A New Path

So, Ranae got the call for his new job. He will begin his job training on Wednesday. About time! I was getting so nervous about waiting because we've struggled and lived check to check for the past 5 years so we finally got a break! Ranae has got a good job now and I will continue to stay home with the girls and make sure they are taken care of as well as the dogs and our home. He found out that he got the job three weeks ago and it has been a long three weeks. So thankfully, things are moving along.

Ranae is excited as well. I asked him if this is something he really wanted because he would be away from his family for a little bit but he said he didn't mind. He was excited to be starting a new STABLE job and that I would be home with our children and taking care of everything here. I didn't want him to someday resent me because I somehow made him do this job (thank you anxiety), he said he wanted it to better our lives. He wouldn't be excited for this job if it is something he didn't truly want so that makes me feel better.

My husband has always been a good worker. He can never still for long and always has to be moving. I am a bit nervous because he will be gone for longer than for 2 or 3 days at a time like we are used to but I know we have got this. I am thankful for him because I didn't see myself having a husband and kids at 24 but here I am raising our children and taking care of our home while he works. Don't get me wrong, I will begin to use my degree once our children begin school but as of right now, I enjoy watching them grow and learn with me always there. 

I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for him, my children, my few supportive friends and my family. I love them all dearly. I don't know what I would do without them.

xoxo

Fall la la la la

It is no secret I love fall. I love when the leaves begin to change, I love the chilly mornings, wearing hoodies, staying inside and doing crafts and drinking warm beverages with the girls, making leaf piles, decorating and baking... oh, and HALLOWEEN. Don't get me wrong, I love summer too. I love swimming and being in the sun and playing with the kids but it comes with the struggle of dressing for the appropriate weather and battling my anxiety. 

I still have a constant mental battle going on because I don't have the body that I want yet or constantly applying sunscreen because I don't want to burn or tan because I had a run in with a pre-cancerous mole when I was young. Summer always comes with more thinking than necessary for me. Planning my outfits ahead and then changing the outfits 14X because I don't like how a shirt fits around my belly or never wearing shorts because I hate my thighs. I usually just wear loose clothes and leggings because it is the most comfortable. 

People think, well then why don't you work out and eat right so you can fix your image problem. They think it is so easy, but when you also have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) it is quite difficult. Basically, PCOS makes it so your estrogen and your progesterone levels are out of wack, it also messes with your insulin levels and makes it easier to gain weight and harder to lose it. After seeing the doctor and getting things set on the right track, this are getting better. I have continuously been working out and eating right (for the most part) since April so I will be more comfortable with my body eventually. 

Not saying I hate summer because I am unhappy with my body, it just makes is a little more difficult for me because I don't like showing more than I have to with my body.

Anyways, I love fall because I don't have to worry about dressing for warmer weather. 

Oh, we're going to go to the store? Great! Let me grab my hoodie. 

Oh, we going to rake some leaves to make a leaf pile? Okay, lets grab a jacket and a hat. Good to go. Summer for me is difficult because living in the day and age where everything goes online and people are so judgmental, it's hard. I always see posts and memes about people making fun of someone for how they look, or what they wear and how over weight or unhealthy they are. It makes it worse for any person because they constantly feel like they need to compete with each other or put each other down. 

People always joke or poke fun about me "slowing my roll" when I talk about fall or Halloween because they don't like the snow/ cold. Well in this area, it doesn't snow until January anymore. I can't remember the last Christmas when we actually had some snow on the ground. I like fall because it IS cooler, I simply do not mind because you don't have to sweat and feel uncomfortable (no boob sweat!), you get to enjoy the smell of the candles burning, the crisp fall air, cozy blankets, crunchy leaves, long walks enjoying the view, oh and lets not forget about PUMPKIN FLAVORED EVERYTHING! (The bugs and bees also disappear ;) )

Fall is also the season that leads to every holiday! Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Back to Back. It is like every Sunday, you get to sit on the couch with your family, watching football or a good movie, while eating popcorn and driving hot coco and tea. 

I don't want time to go any faster than it already does, I just wish it was cooler and fall all year round because it is the best! ;) Summer would not be as bad in this area if it wasn't 95% rain and then 5% sunny/ cloudy days. 

Just a main reason why I love fall and some facts about myself. No biggy. 

Have a blessed day!

Thalassophile

I only currently learned the meaning of this strange sounding word. Thalassophile, someone who loves the sea, ocean; a lover of the ocean. This is me. 

I absolutely love the beach. The first and last time I ever went, I was 16. We were driving down the highway, entering the town and you could instantly smell the change in the air. It was Salty and I loved it. It almost instantly makes you feel so relaxed. I start to sit up straight into my seat and stick my head out the window, trying to find the ocean between cars and buildings. 

I see it.

Beautiful, blue and endless. Seemed so unreal that beyond the water, was more water. The ocean made me feel as if nothing else mattered at that very moment. All that mattered was my pure excitement and feeling so anxious that I couldn't sit still. 

We finally pull up to the hotel and everyone loads out of the car and gets ready to take there stuff up to their rooms. I leave my stuff in the car and head straight to the beach. I hurry to the board walk and I whip out my old school digital camera. I take a picture of the dunes, the board walk, the ocean from every angle I can think of, as I am doing this, I am slowly making my way to the water. I didn't want to rush how it would feel that very first time I put my feet into the ocean. To many, I was probably being a drama queen and being overly excited but this was a huge deal for me. I had never been there so I was soaking up every opportunity that I could. I walk into the water and I just start there. I take a picture of my feet because apparently that is what everyone does, and then I just stood there. 

It was so warm, so calming, almost intoxicating. Call me an oceanholic if you will. 

This was back in 2009, and the memory has never left me. After graduation, I always planned on going back but with life, financials and now children, we always pushed our beach plans to the back of the list. I hated that we never took time out to relax at the beach as a family, but things just come up. Whether it be our car broke down, we were behind of bills, more car problems, it seemed never ending. Once again this year, we decided not to go to the beach because both of our vehicles were having problems. So while my sister, her family and our friends we having fun at the beach, I sat behind my phone screen and enviously watched their videos and pictures go across my feed. I am not going to go through this feeling for the rest of my life. I need to go back. 

It has taken literally 5 years of convincing but I finally have my husband talked into moving to the south. Not particularly to the beach but at least the beach will be even closer than it is now. It may not be this year, it may not be next year, but we are moving and I am beyond excited to see where this will take us. 

I can't wait for more sunshine, southern hospitality, warm days and shorter, if any winters! Everyone believes in something and I believe in moving to the beach. So we are going to make this happen.

"The Ocean stirs the heart, inspires the imagination and brings eternal joy to the soul." -Wyland

Coudersport Rocks On Project

At first, I thought this activity would be just like Pokemon Go. It would start out so popular and then would fade out after a little while. I should have known that this would be different because this gets children together with friends and family to simply paint rocks or to put nice sayings on them to hide around town for others to find and then to rehide them. Everyone has been so positive about this movement. I thought, why not. Lets go for a walk and search for some rocks. It is basically like an easter egg hunt but with rocks. How hard could it be? Well, we went for our walk and we searched and searched. I was getting a little annoyed. Maybe people weren't getting into it as much as facebook let on. Then we got to the Elementary School play ground and Milly said "we going to find pretty rocks?" I said hopefully. Let's go and look! After a few minutes, she found her first rock. It was yellow and orange. She was so excited over a little rock. It was adorable and funny at the same time. I watched her play all over the play ground and never once did she put that rock down. She was even showing it off to some of the other children there. I started to think, geez, the kids really do have fun with the simplest things. The next day we started painting some rocks of our own to hide that same night. We used regular paint with a sealer and some old nail polish that we had lying around. That night we took another walk up to the Elementary school and we started to hide them. I was even having fun hiding the rocks.

I love that this community has adopted this fun activity to get kids out of their houses and looking for rocks. It makes it like a fun scavenger hunt for both adults and kids. I see a lot of people asking to bring certain rocks into their business so that they can get a free ice cream or seeds, etc. I love how everyone is being so supported of this. Some people even came up with the idea that while they are out searching for rocks that if they see trash on the ground that they will simply throw it away or recycle it. People have started walking with gloves and a trash bag so while their children are "hunting" they will be cleaning up our town. It warms my heart seeing everyone get together and having such a fun time with their children and friends while being out on their search.

One thing that really upsets me though, is hearing about a lot of people trying to ruin the fun. I have heard three different stories of strange men approaching children and following their mothers around when they try to leave. It makes me uncomfortable because most moms are walking by themselves while their partners work. Well, recently I went on a walk with a new friend just so we would not have to walk alone and we could use the "buddy system" all while helping our children find some rocks. I loved the idea of making a new friend so easily, but under the circumstances it just got me upset because now in our small little town we don't even feel safe walking to certain parks because the men may be waiting. Taking advantage of such an innocent activity and using it for themselves is repulsive and with social media being so popular, I know they can access whatever they need in order to find the most popular locations and what not. So remind your children to not talk to strangers. I understand they are young but persistence is key. Also make a habit of not being on your phone the whole time and watch your children. Anything can happen.

 Another story I heard was teenagers taking whatever rocks they can find and throwing them away or putting them in inaccessible places for children basically trying to take the fun out of it. I don't understand because when I was a teenager, you would have seen me out looking for rocks and rehiding them as well; maybe it is because I am a kid at heart, I don't know. I just don't see how someone can purposely take the fun away from innocent children just to look cool in front of their friends. Let kids be kids. Let them have fun. They look forward to this searching for rocks and rehiding them for others. 

So just remember, this activity is all for fun. Be kind, be fair and have fun! Happy Hunting!

Thank God It's Friday?

Friday. The day that everyone longs for. The beginning of the weekend, going out with friends, sleeping in or binging on Netflix. When I worked, I would just look forward to my day off because I worked in retail, I never really got weekends off. I was just more excited that my friends were off for the weekend and that I would actually be able to see them. It isn't like that anymore. Now that I am a stay at home mom, I just look at Friday as another day. I still wake up at 6:30/ 7 o'clock and go about making breakfast for my family. We hang out at the breakfast table. I watch my oldest slurp her milk from the bowl and my youngest splashing milk everywhere with her spoon. I just sit across from them with my breakfast and coffee and I just watch them, thinking about everything that I have to do for the day. "If it is nice today, we will go for a walk to the park" or "If it rains we will stay inside and do some crafts while mommy folds the laundry". Moms do not get days off. Even moms who work all week don't gets days off because where their weekend come, it is usually their time to catch up on the house work that has been neglected throughout the week. Their weekends almost always consist of cleaning and plans with their families.

 I don't mind never having a day off because I love being able to always be around my children and know that they are cared for. I would rather be with them then leave them with someone who may or may not fully care for them. I know who and what they will be exposed to, what they are eating, what they are learning, etc. Do I miss working? Sure. I miss having some adult interaction. I miss being able to leave the house by myself for a few hours, just go go to lunch alone with the girls. Now I have to plan lunch dates that 90% fall through because something comes up or I have to bring the children, and taking children out for dinner is almost always a difficult time. I have gotten lucky and my girls are usually pretty well behaved but we have definitely had our moments. Other than that, I am lucky that I able to stay at home. My husband doesn't make BANGING money to where we are overly comfortable. We afford the bare minimum and that is it. The girls are always taken care of and they have everything they need. That is all that matters. 

I went to college for a few years online and got my Bachelors degree for Criminal Justice and I have yet to do anything with it. Do I feel like it was a waste? No. I am in no rush. If something comes up to where I absolutely need to go and get a job, I will. As of right now, we are saving money by not having to pay $500 plus for each kid to go to day care each month. I am still learning to take everything day by day and to look at the positive side of everything. I want to live a positive life so that positive things happen. I understand that rainy days do happen, but I am learning to grow from them.

First Public Writing

I have always loved to write. It is a perfect past time while the girls are doing their own thing and when I don't want to read who is dating who, who ate what and should I chose this picture or that picture mambo jumbo on social media. Today I finally decided to try out the blogging life and to give a little more meaning to my writings. Especially on days like today where once again it is boring and wet outside.

This whole summer season so far as been wet and even chilly. Days like today we can't just go outside and play without getting muddy and wet. Don't get me wrong, we don't mind mud but when I also have two other dogs that I am watching until the end of next week, you can imagine how much cleaning up and wiping down that I have to do to everyone on the daily. So we are stuck inside for at least most of the morning and the girls get so sick of each other so fast. They go from playing nicely, to fighting over a toy that neither one of them have played with since it was bought, to chasing each other around playing tag to sitting on each others backs just to see how cries first. Sometimes I surrender and give them my phone so that they can watch Netflix but even then it only lasts a few minutes until someone tries to take the phone and run, change the show or the get annoyed with how close they are to each other. Typical girls I suppose. Growing up, I had five sisters and we never got along. We were the same way if not worse. We would always fight over the one bathroom, purposely poke fun at each other and would love pushing each others buttons but we did love each other. I know they love each other but it gets stressful hearing the same tattles and whines over and over again. I am a stay at home mom, I know it is what I do and I truthfully wouldn't change it for the world. Saving money and being able to teach them and to watch them grow first hand is such a blessing.

Summer is just beginning and now that they are another year older, we get to do more and more with them and they are so excited. Like going to the zoo again and to take them to Kneobels. I love that we are able to do these types of things with our children. Growing up, we only ever went on one "vacation" and I wouldn't necessarily call it a vacation because we went to Buffalo and stayed at a few hotels with pools and then we went to Niagara Falls and came home. Every few summers we would go to Kneobels as well. Growing up wasn't much fun with a big family as much as everyone thinks. Mom always worked and siblings always watched us. So I am looking forward to my children growing up and to having a childhood that they will always remember.